“I Disagree.”

“I Disagree.” This has been said to me many times. All to often it just ends there. The person making the statement is unable to give any thorough, well thought out explanation as to why they disagree. They “just do”. When countered with a few “why?” questions they will often get uncomfortable or even upset that you haven’t merely accepted their disagreement and left it at that.

Don’t get me wrong. I love disagreement. I actually find it far more interesting than agreement because it is an opportunity to learn something new or get a different perspective which can influence my own. But the disagreement has to be real. It has to be based on a clear chain of logic.

If that isn’t provided all I see is someone who has heard something which conflicts with their reality. This raises uncomfortable and complex questions that may be accompanied by distressing feelings.

They don’t really understand why they disagree and often they don’t have any real interest in finding out. This is an example of operation on a shallow level of thinking – a realm of thought which is dominated by instincts, fears, preconceived ideas and prejudices. This is the land of simplistic thinking. The land of confusion. We need to cut through this to find the real answers.

Sometimes we may disagree with our interpretation of what a person is saying but not with what they actually mean to say. This is why there needs to be a lot of clarification so that everyone is aligned in understanding what is actually being discussed.

I think it is ridiculous to tie the concepts of being “right” or “wrong” to personal ego. We are all just seeking the truth. Let’s seek together. This attitude is a damaging and sometimes dangerous barrier to effective communication and empathy. Whether we discover ourselves to be “right” or “wrong” it doesn’t matter because either way we have discovered the truth!

“How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct.”
~Benjamin Disraeli

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8 comments
  1. They don’t really understand why they disagree and often they don’t have any real interest in finding out.

    So true in politics and religion

    • One reason could be that the issue is tied to an emotional response. And since many people act based on these feelings they quickly shut down.

      Another reason could be if they feel they are so certain and don’t really care about hearing another point of view.

      Or maybe the issue is tied to their sense of self or self esteem and by debating the issue they feel under attack.

      I guess to really want to talk it out properly you need to either want to challenge your own views or you place a high level of importance on connecting and reaching understanding with the person you are talking to.

  2. We are all just seeking the truth. Let’s seek together- love this thought!

  3. I don’t know what type of concepts people have disagreed with you on and for the most part I agree with your post. I do trust my instincts though and in certain circumstances I will go with a gut feeling without having the need to explore or explain it.

  4. Our reality is determined by how we interpret things. If you tell me something that conflicts with my interpretation then my very reality is endangered. Most peoplw don’t really want to reinterpret life.

    Good post.

  5. Learning to disagree was a big thing for me – I was raised not to question my parents – but it has developed. I agree (no pun intended :)), though, that not having a reason for disagreeing is rather silly.

  6. Gede Prama said:

    Thank you so much for sharing with us.

  7. There are people who just disagree for disagreeing and this comes from the shallow mind… but on the other hand I myself will disagree sometimes if something doesn’t resonate, but because the subject is new to me… I’ll want to first go and research it and later if I see the person again, or if I remember, I’ll go on… When this happens, we mostly feel the difference and it really doesn’t matter to us anyway… Barbara

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