Why be upset by a person’s words? If a person says what they genuinely believe, why be upset to hear it?

Maybe it is the intent that we should care about. Is the intent to help or to harm?
Maybe it is the actions we should care about. Don’t actions show what a person really thinks and feels?

The lower the self-esteem of a person and the more insecurities they have – the easier they are upset. The words are an assault on their fragile egos.

We need to be careful how we listen to and observe people. We often hear their words and see their actions through our own biased lens. We give our own meanings to them without properly interpreting theirs.

Instead we should focus on understanding “why” they are saying or doing something. What do they mean by it? Only then can we truly understand.

If we let insecurities and emotions get in the way we will have a communication break down – this is never a good thing.

If you are secure in yourself then a person expressing their perceptions of you or anything else should always be welcomed – even if you don’t agree!

The key here is to communicate until you can reach understanding. Not communicating with someone is not caring about them.

  1. BigLizzy said:

    Hi, friend,

    Great post and very true! In my estimation, we take offense at other people’s words, because many of us think that we are victims of other people and we refuse to take utter and complete responsibility for every element in our lives.

    We think that other people have power over us, which is absolutely not the case. And, we often expect other people to change their behavior to make us feel better when in reality, it is our job to feel better despite other people’s behaviors.

    That is freedom and power. That is the path to peace and true self-esteem, and happiness– the undiluted, ample, vigorous happiness that each of us can have regardless of what is going on around us.

    For example, a person can be in a prison surrounded by violence and hate and yet still be happy inside. it is possible, but our egos are often too disproportionately large, too vigilant, and so few of us ever question our egos, that few of us attain lasting peace or happiness.

    We can choose to go inward and find that reservoir of peace, stillness, and love inside regardless of outside circumstances or other people’s behaviors, but many of us refuse to do the work that it takes to get there.

    The truth is that we create reality, period (all of it). But, we, as a species, largely do not take ownership of this fact. if we are continually pointing at other people’s behaviors as reasons why we can’t heal or expand or achieve, then we are trapped and we have lots of people bristling at other people’s opinions, hurting the innocent, fighting wars, and hiring the wrong people for President (as a few examples of what is wrong with humanity). Just sayin’. :)

    • Thanks Lizzy. I agree. However I’m not sure that retreating inward is ever a good idea. Even if you are in a jail surrounded by madness even the strongest will be effected by this without at least one or a few other people to help them stay strong. We are social creatures and that’s just how our brains are wired. I’ve seen many people react to hardship and personal difficulty often caused by their own wrong thinking retreat into themselves. This always makes the situation worse in the cases I have seen.

      We must be introspective through others in my opinion. Otherwise you are just alone in the dark.

      I think the video on outrospection which is posted below sums it up well.

      • BigLizzy said:

        Totally agree and know what you are saying.To clarify: I meant “going inward” as an act of meditation, contemplation, and sitting in stillness to find one’s own core nature, to address one’s wounding and motivations, and to temporarily quiet the over-abundant ego as opposed to looking outward all of the time for others to fill our void. I do not mean going inward as a permanent option or a lifestyle. yes, we are social creatures, but we do not spend enough time looking inward. We are afraid of ourselves and the ego insists that it is the only thing that can protect us, but it is wrong. Thanks for the discussion. :)

  2. I totally agree with everything you said and actions speak louder than words!

    • People are capable of saying amazing things even if they live in the complete opposite way in reality.

      I’ve heard wise and kind words from people and thought “wow, if they are capable of saying and thinking that then they must also behave like that.” But after some time I realised I was mistaken.

      Actions define you.

      • yes handsome is as handsome does !

  3. hayleylarue said:

    Definitely agree. I used to let the slightest comments upset me, but through the years, I’ve developed a backbone for such comments. And like you said, maybe we need to actually listen to those comments, and take them into consideration.

    • Sometimes I’ve made positive comments to people and they were so insecure that they interpreted them in the complete opposite way.

      • hayleylarue said:

        That’s crazy!

  4. Very mature for someone in their 20’s. I didn’t start exploring more of this stuff until I was double the age. But still, I got there! MM 🍀

  5. mewhoami said:

    I agree with practically everything you said. Also, I love your last statement “Not communicating with someone is not caring about them.” Ignoring someone because you don’t want to face something is great way to chase that person away.

  6. 99% of this world’s current problems would be solved if people put respect first and foremost and were effective at communicating rather than letting an issue escalate. Great article.

  7. wonderful and true post… similar to what I was answering in reply to your post on people disagreeing… barbara

  8. We listen autobiographically – through the grid and noise of our past and current preoccupations. Rather than listen from the other person’s shoes. Thanks for the follow.

  9. Metta IV said:

    Don’t take anything personally, every one is living their own dream, and what they feel or are upset at you for has absolutely nothing to do with you, only the you they think you are. The person you see yourself as, and the person others see you as are different, because each is based on our own individual perspective.

    So there’s no need to let what others think or say about you, positive or negative, affect you. It’s not about you, it’s about the character you’re playing in this story called Life.

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